Tag Archives: rob williams

“Men are fat, inconsiderate and unsexy” says diet firm and condom brand

Lights off Larry: Survey finds a quarter of men prefer to have sex with the lights off…because they’re ashamed of their bodies

The study, which polled British men between the ages of 20 and 30, claims to prove that male body confidence is at an all-time low

Groundbreaking research it might not be, but a new survey of 1,077 men has shed light (or rather the opposite) on the sex lives of British men. And unsurprisingly it’s all a bit murky.

Source: Independent, 18 March 2014

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You have to have some sympathy with women, having to put up with the unsightly and horrid sight of their man’s physique – or, perhaps, that level of shame is what male readers are meant to take from the article, given the source of the ‘research’ represented within:

Research carried out by the home diet delivery service, Diet Chef, found that a quarter of the British men they surveyed prefer to have sex with the lights off because they’re uncomfortable and ashamed of their bodies.

If that weren’t bad enough, the Independent decides to segue awkwardly into another press release – one which the Daily Mail covered in full:

Is logging on turning us off? 60% of people use technology in their bed more often than they have sex in it…and some of us even text while making love!

When it comes to our sex lives it seems that, for many of us, the most action we’re getting is a poke on Facebook. 

A new survey from condom brand Durex has revealed that British lovers are allowing technology to get in the way of their sex lives.

In a poll of 2000 men and women over 15 per cent of women and 17 per cent of men admitted to answering their phone or reading a text message during sex, a figure that rises in the capital to 20 per cent.

Source: Daily Mail, 19 March 2014

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According to Durex – the condom manufacturers behind this second story – 5% of us have checked Facebook while having sex. One in twenty. How Durex really thought anyone would buy that figure, I’ve no idea.

Ukonwa Ojo, Global Marketing Manager at Durex said: ‘Durex believes nothing should get in the way of great sex but our growing obsession with phones, laptops, TVs and Tablets isn’t bringing us closer together, it’s pushing us apart.

‘So, this Earth Hour let’s log off and switch off; use it as an excuse to swap our laptops for some loving and ditch our phones to enjoy some foreplay. Let’s turn off to turn on!’

I have to say, I echo Ojo’s call to switch off – not because I think our use of iPads is interfering with our sex lives, but because they’re exposing us to nonsense PR articles like these.

“Men turn into their fathers!” says TV channel promoting old comedies

Are you turning into your dad? The top ten signs you’ve embraced dad-ism revealed as survey says 38 is age men turn into their father.

It’s a startling moment in any man’s life.

You’re sat on the sofa keenly scrutinising the money pages of the newspaper, looking forward to giving the lawn a good mowing and finding yourself unusually excited about an upcoming sale at B&Q, when it hits you (if you can keep your eyes open long enough): you’ve turned into your dad.

It’s enough to make you slip on your sensibly priced comfortable shoes and retreat to your man cave with a pint of bitter.

Source: Independent, 17 April 2014

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It seems all men are destined to become their fathers – it’s a message carried not only in the Independent, but also in the Daily MailDaily Express and Daily Star. With so many convergent sources, it must be true… or, just maybe, it might be PR for a TV channel running a ‘Dad Dancing’ competition:

Steve North, General Manager of UKTV channel Gold said: ‘The future looks bright for men, more sleep, having your very own chair, letting loose on the dance floor and finding ourselves funny – it seems 38 is the age men officially lose their inhibitions

Source: Daily Mail, 17 April 2014

And why the focus on getting old and turning into your father? The Daily Mail carries the crucial quote from North:

‘The best way to ward off the top dad-ism sign of falling asleep in the front room is by tuning into Gold’s Easter schedule featuring Only Fools and Horses, the Royle Family and the Vicar of Dibley.’

Embrace it, fellas – turn into your dad, and you can enjoy the same tired old sitcoms he was watching 20 years ago!

“Famous insults are funny!” says DVD featuring famous insult

We all love a good, catty insult, right? Of course we do – in fact, there’s even ‘research’ to prove it: 

‘My dear you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly’: Winston Churchill tops poll of history’s funniest insults

Winston Churchill’s ability to lift the spirits of the British people in times of adversity were, however, neatly balanced with a sparkling line in withering put-downs.

Now Churchill has topped a poll of history’s funniest insults with a famous jibe directed at either the socialist MP Bessie Braddock or the Conservative Lady Astor, the first female MP (depending on which version of the story you hear).

When accused by one of them of being ‘disgustingly drunk’ the Conservative Prime Minister responded: ‘My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.’

Source: Independent, 14th October 2013

Unsurprisingly, the story also ran in the Daily Mail – themselves no stranger to insults:

Churchill tops poll of history’s funniest insults with ‘My dear you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly’

When Winston Churchill was accused of being drunk by socialist MP Bessie Braddock he knew exactly what to say.

And the former Prime Minister, who was famed for his wit, has topped a poll of more than 2,000 Britons to find history’s funniest insult.

Source: Daily  Mail, 14th October 2013

While the opportunity to rake up old insults – plus the chance to have a heartwarming photo of good old Mr Churchill – is one the newspapers scarcely need an excuse for, the article is still merely a piece of PR nonsense:

As well as the scathing Mr Churchill, the Daily Express reported that other household names including Barack Obama, Groucho Marx, Noel Gallagher and Elizabeth Taylor also made the top ten of the poll, which was commissioned to mark the Blu-ray release of the LIberace biopic Behind The Candelabra.

This may seem like something of an unusual paymaster for this particular story, until we spot who occupies position three in the list:

Liberace himself makes an appearance at number three in the list with his response to a critic: ‘Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it… I laughed all the way to the bank.’

I imagine the PR company behind this are also laughing all the way to the bank.

“Wear a nice pink cotton shirt, you’ll make more money!” says cotton spokesperson

According to the Daily Mail:

The power of pink: Men who wear shirts of that colour earn £1,000 a year more than those who don’t

– Men who wear pink also tend to be confident and get more compliments from female colleagues

– Research also found men in white are most punctual, while those in blue have the least work romances

Men who wear pink shirts to work earn more and are better qualified than those who favour traditional colours such as white or blue, it has emerged.

Researchers also found men who wear pink are more likely to get compliments from female colleagues and are more confident characters in the office.

The story was also picked up by The Independent and The Telegraph. Who were the researchers undertaking this valuable research?
 
Stephanie Thiers-Ratcliffe, International Marketing Manager for Cotton USA, which commissioned the study, said: ‘You can tell a lot about someone by the colour they wear.
It isn’t hard to see why a cotton spokesperson might have an interest in reminding us of the value of a nice cotton shirt.
 
Unsurprisingly, the research was carried out by OnePoll – the polling company behind almost every dodgy survey story you’ll see, and a company who have such more work published in the Daily Mail they’re practically on retainer. Here’s the press release on their parent company’s website:
 
Plugging the press release into Churnalism.com, it’s clear that the Daily Mail’s David Baker had a laid-back morning on the 22nd, taking a whopping 84% of his article directly from the press release. Not too far behind him was Mark Reynolds of the Daily Express, who took 67% of his article from the press release.
 
As for the so-called research, the findings have a near-astrological feel: 
 
One in four men feels more attractive in a pink shirt and those who frequently wear purple or lilac have the most office romances, while those who prefer blue have the least.
 
Men who wear pink are also twice as likely to have a Master’s degree than those who favour white shirts, with one in ten pink shirt wearers having a PHD.
The report also found men who favour shirts with green tones are the most likely to be late for work, whilst white shirt fans are the most punctual, the survey found.
And if you are trying for a promotion then it’s best to dress in a purple shirt, it emerged.
So it may well be that the colour of your shirt dictates certain attributes about your life… or it may well be that if you ask enough questions, you’ll gather enough data to be able to mine your way to a raft of meaningless conclusions.
 
Also, can you spot the glaring flaw? I’ll give you a hint: since when did anyone ever wear the same shirt colour every day…?