Tag Archives: katy winter

“Sex can be a precarious and painful affair!” says pain-relieving gel

“Sex can be a precarious and painful affair!” says pain-relieving gel

The Daily Mail weren’t the only ones running with this tale of sex injuries:

Chastity belts, broken ribs, toasters..! Brits hit by sexy bedroom mishaps

A NEW survey has revealed one in 20 Brits have injured themselves while having sex.

The investigation into muscle damage by pain-relief gel Polar Frost shows we are a nation of adventurous and sometimes reckless lovers.

Source: Daily Star, 28th November 2013

Sex is clearly a tricky affair, fraught with largely-made-up injuries and hilariously headline-friendly risks. All of which serve excellently to highlight the key aims of the product behind this particular story:

Three per cent of those had taken 21 days off or more and a worrying number of us ignore or mistreat injuries, research conducted by pain relieving gel Polar Frost revealed.

So, if you do injure yourself doing the deed, you know whose pain relieving gel to buy.

“Hair care is important!” says hair care website

“Hair care is important!” says hair care website

Coming straight out of the drawer marked ‘small amounts of time can add up’, we have the revelation that women spend around 14 hours every year at the hairdressers.

This sounds like an awful lot when accumulated over a lifespan – hence the headline-grabbing figure of ‘1 month at the hair salon – but is it actually so surprising? Accepting that the 14 hours per year is a true figure, given that there’s 24 x 365.25 hours per year – or 8766 hours per year in real money – the 14 hours spent in the hairdressers actually represents 0.16% of a woman’s life. That’s less than a fifth of a percent.

Still, when you look at it that way, it doesn’t seem quite as impressive – which is why it’s no surprise that the company who paid for this story elected to go with the lifetime figure:

Francesca Davies, spokeswoman for Fabriah.com who conducted the study, said: ‘If your hair looks great, you feel great so 36 days over the course of a lifetime is nothing for fabulous looking hair.

‘Every woman knows how important it is to look after your hair. A regular trim and tidy up keeps the spilt ends at bay and keeps your hair looking and feeling great. A colour always adds some extra shine to your hair and can give you some lovely tones which you can’t achieve at home.

If you’re going to invest over a month of your life into hair care, it must be important, right? This hair care website certainly thinks so.

“You should start buying food for Christmas!” says supermarket chain

Christmas is coming, and with it the mandatory need to prepare for that all-important Christmas meal. It may only take nine minutes to eat, but it takes nine months to prepare!

Of course, the average shopper doesn’t need to plan nine months in advance – nine weeks is more than enough preparation time, according to the supermarket behind this pseudoresearch:

Research from Asda reveals that the average shopper will do their Christmas food shop across nine weeks, with their first purchase, usually cranberry sauce, mince pies or Christmas pudding, taking place in October.

Nine months, nine weeks or nine minutes – it doesn’t really matter. All that really matters to Asda is that you spend that time with Asda produce.

“Men are useless at arranging events!” says voucher website

“Men are useless at arranging events!” says voucher website

That’s right, sort your lives out men! Because, as we know, you’re all a bunch of overgrown children unable to look after yourselves without your female partner sorting everything out for you, right? It’s a wonder you even got dressed this morning!

Needless to say, whenever there’s this level of gender stereotyping in the media, there’s always a company behind it looking to profit… in this case a well-known voucher website:

Roy Blanga, managing director at Groupon UK who conducted the study, said: ‘It can be difficult to get events booked in when you’re dealing with friends and family.

‘But there are so many easy-to-use mobile apps and websites out there to help us find inspiration, there’s no reason not to the rescue the situation and organise a get-together in the spur of the moment.

‘We can quickly search online for deals on theatre trips, comedy gigs, or even holidays – all the information is available at our fingertips.’

We know you’re useless, men, but the least you could do is make an effort to arrange events – starting with the events listed on Groupon, for one.

“Spending lots of money on hair care is important!” says hair care company

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“People don’t value the dinner table as much as they should!” says furniture company

“Time to start slimming for that Christmas party dress, ladies!” says clothing retailer

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“Curvy size 16 women are happy – like Beyoncé!” says clothing retailer patronising size 16 women

“Some things are scary!” says museum of scary things, absolutely everywhere

Certain dates in the calendar provide such reliable touchpoints for PR types that they’re tantamount to open goals – such as Christmas, Valentines Day… and, more recently, Halloween. Here’s a slightly opaque opening gambit from the Guardian:

Are you scared of public speaking?

In a new survey commissioned to uncover our odd phobias, public speaking came out higher than dying. While the number one phobia was the loss of family or friends, fear of public speaking (glossophobia) appeared at number three on the list. Are you scared of addressing a crowd? Is public speaking one of your biggest fears?

Source: Guardian, 30th October 2013

So far, not so Halloween. But let’s take a look at the survey referred to in the Guardian’s sober report on our collective fear of public speaking – an article in the Daily Mail:

Is making a speech a fate worse than death? Most women are more scared of public speaking than they are of dying

Most women are more scared of public speaking than they are of death, it was revealed yesterday.

Researchers who polled 2,000 women found many are far more at ease with meeting their maker than they are of standing in a room talking to an audience hanging on their every word.

The study found women loathe the thought of making a spectacle of themselves, and feel more nervous about stuttering, tripping up and looking foolish than going to an early grave.

Source: Daily Mail, 30th October 2013

A little closer, but still not as spooky as we can go. Let’s take a look at exactly the same story in the Daily Star of the same day:

That’s a bit more like it – just in time for Halloween, it’s good that we have such cutting-edge research into what we all find creepy and scary. Including:

Define true?

The findings come from a survey commissioned by London visitor attraction Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

Ah, true as in ‘meaningless PR intended to advertise a museum dedicated to scary and unusual things’, gotcha.

“There are many common fears that a lot of us share but here at Ripley’s we celebrate all that is unusual across the globe… so delving into our more bizarre phobias was fascinating,” said Natascha Crump, general manager at Ripley’s Believe It or Not! London.

“It is interesting to find out about people’s fears of nylon sheets, chickens and being the sole survivor of an apocalypse.

“It is also curious to see the affect that modern life is having on our fears as responses such as losing your laptop, the television breaking and being cut off from social media featured in the list of the UK’s phobias.”

From a sober debate on the pressures of public speaking, to pogonophobia and broken televisions – Ripley’s certainly managed to cut their cloth to suit all takers with this story.

Equally, it’s rare and refreshing for PR stories to come with disbelief built right in as an option – I think I’ll choose not to believe this research, Ripley, thank you very much.

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“Even men need someone to rely on!” says life insurer