Tag Archives: daily star

“Drown your World Cup blues with a holiday!” says holiday company

Holiday companies expect huge boost as depressed football fans flee England

FED-UP football fans are fleeing Britain in a bid to cheer themselves up from the disastrous World Cup knock-out.

After England’s 2-1 defeat to Uruguay travel agents are expecting a 50 per cent rise in online searches for stress-busting getaways.

Holiday companies had already discounted prices following a fall in sales in June, as sports fans delayed decision making in case Roy Hodgson’s side made it past the group stages.

With the World Cup dream in tatters for another four years, football fans are now hoping to score by snapping up the last of the deals before prices return to normal.

Source: Daily Star, 21st June 2014

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I’m an England fan… get me out of here! Holiday bookings expected to surge by 50% following World Cup disappointment

Following England’s 2-1 defeat to Uruguay last night, there is expected to be a 50 per cent surge in site searches over this weekend, as devastated fans look to alleviate their disappointment by booking a holiday.

With progression to the next round almost out of England’s reach and holiday prices discounted as the World Cup led to limited demand, England supporters are expected to cut their losses and rush to book the remaining deals before prices return to their normal value.

The World Cup has had an impact on the UK travel industry this year as patriotic holidaymakers chose to put-off their holiday plans in fear they’d miss out on the celebrations if England were to progress to the later stages of the tournament.

Source: Daily Mail, 20th June 2014

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England’s diastrous World Cup campaign isn’t all bad news – it could mean a boost to business, if you’re a travel agent, as everybody looks to scarper these sceptered isles to drown their sorrows in warmer climes. And if you’re not planning to go on holiday, there are handy stories in the press such as this one, designed to try to change your mind:

TravelSupermarket found 13.6 per cent of customers were influenced by the Word Cup, while six per cent said they are now planning a trip to Brazil.

Bob Atkinson, travel expert at TravelSupermarket comments: “When England has a vested interest in something like the World Cup, it’s natural for holidays to take a back seat.

“England fans deserve to be cheered up this summer, that’s why we’re encouraging them to seize the opportunity and book their getaway while there are still deals to be had.”

There we have it then – you deserve to go on holiday… says a holiday company.

“Children don’t like their fathers!” says greeting card company ahead of Father’s Day

Teens won’t be seen within 22ft of dads

TEENAGERS will not go within 22ft of their fathers when they are out in public.

Researchers found British teens like to keep an “exclusion zone” around their dads, fearing they will be seen by friends.

Source: Daily Star, 5th June 2014 

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Daaadddd! British teenagers stay an average of 6.7 metres away from their ’embarrassing’ fathers in public

The tradition of embarrassing fathers is alive and kicking in Britain today a survey has revealed.

In fact British teenagers find their fathers so embarrassing that they stay an average of 6.7 metres away from them if they are out together in public, for fear of being seen by friends.

But maybe the kids should be more grateful as it transpires that the average father also does 627 ‘dad miles’ every year on weekends, ferrying teens to and from parties and other social gatherings, often very late into the evening.

Source: Daily Mail, 5th June 2014

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It seems that no matter what fathers do, their children are embarrassed by them, and wouldn’t be seen dead in their presence. Those poor fathers! If only there was an opportunity to tell your dad just how great he is…

The research ahead of Fathers’ Day on June 15 also found that dads fall well behind mums in the “thank-you” stakes.

Figures from the UK Greeting Card Association show 22million Father’s Day cards were sent in 2013, less than half of those sent to mums on Mothers’ Day.

Clintons bosses want stroppy teens – like 53-year-old Harry Enfield’s TV dope Kevin – to redress the balance this year and thank their dads for the contributions they make to life.

Hardly surprising that the bosses of Clintons would be so keen on teenagers giving their father a card on Father’s Day… given that Clintons are the biggest greeting card retailer in the country.

 

“Brits need to lose weight!” says weight-loss website

Piling on the pounds! Brits are a whole lot heavier than they were last year.

BRITS are a whole 5lbs heavier than they were this time last year, a new study has shown.

Due to stressful schedules and new relationships, the nation is piling on the pounds like never before.

The figures show that if we Brits continue to gain weight at the current rate it will mean putting on 2st over the next five years!

Source: Daily Star, 17 April 2014

Who can we thank for the spurious finding that we, as a nation, are each half a stone heavier than the same time in 2013?

The survey was conducted online by www.UKMedix.com, as part of the company’s wider research into annual weight change and management, after the team noticed a substantial increase in searches for weight loss supplements year on year.

UKMedix being a website which sells dubious weightloss products, naturally.

Sarah Bailey, from UKMedix.com, said: “Unfortunately, we have already been warned that we are getting heavier year on year, so the fact that we are gaining weight is no surprise.

“Whilst stressful schedules and having babies are understandable reasons for weight gain, it’s important to keep things under control and get back on track before a gain gets out of hand,” added Ms Bailey.

“Not only is it critical to self-confidence and health, it’s also important to set a good example for family and friends.”

Unbiased advice there, from a dietary supplement pusher who thinks you’re piling on the pounds.

“Why don’t you watch your partner pee?” asks creepy bathroom retailer

Flushed! Couples LOO embarrassed to visit toilet in front of each other

NEARLY half of all couples in a long-term relationship refuse to use the toilet in front of their partner.

Participants in a recent survey blamed simple embarrassment on their unwillingness to answer the call of nature in front of their loved one.

Women were revealed as more coy than their fellas with 67 per cent of men not being fussed about going to the loo with their lady in the room.

Over half of the 1,881 UK people surveyed said they waited between six months to a year before unveiling their toilet habits but a plucky 17 per cent said they did so “practically straight away”.

Source: Daily Star, 30 April 2014

In case you’re wondering why the peeing and voyeuring habits of yourself and your partner are being questioned in a national newspaper, here’s a spokseman from the company who thought this would be a totally normal way to get positive national coverage:

Peter Gregg, Director of ukBathrooms.com said: “Toilet habits are often a cause of embarrassment.

“The image of the perfect English rose can be rocked a little by the call of nature!

“But surely in a long term relationship, people should know each other well enough to be comfortable in almost any situation?”

So, the next time you think of peeing in front of you partner, think of Peter Gregg and ukBathrooms.com.

“People would love/fear/fuck a robot!” says TV show about robots

Did you see the story about mankind’s fear of the impending rise of the robots? Chances are you did, with widespread coverage of the story including appearances in the GuardianTimesDaily Mail and Daily Star:

Humans hope robots of the future will make love not war

A fifth of Britons have said they would have sex with an android but considerably more fear the rise of the machines will threaten mankind.

One in three, perhaps influenced by the likes of the Terminator franchise, believe that robots will spell the end of the human race.

Perhaps more pressing however is that almost as many are concerned they could lose their job to intelligent machines.

Source: The Times, 6 May 2014

Would YOU have sex with a robot? Prostitutes, police and cleaners revealed to be just some the jobs that droids could take over by 2025

In 10 years our streets could be governed by RoboCop-style police, our taxis may drive themselves and prostitutes might be replaced by so-called ‘sexbots.’

That’s according to a survey that looked at how robots will rise over the next decade.

It found that more than a third of people fear robots will take their jobs, while the same number fear androids will threaten the human race’s existence.

Source: Daily Mail, 6 April 2014

The Times and the Daily Mail, amply illustrating their differing priorities, there. However, whether we’re fighting or fucking our new robot brethren, the source of the story remains the same:

The survey was completed by 2,000 British people to mark the launch of new sci-fi TV police drama, Almost Human, which features an android cop.

Curiously, the list of jobs which could be taken over by robots didn’t include ‘journalist’ – when given the number of outlets who ran this simple copy/paste of a One Poll survey press release, it seems an industry ripe for automation.

“Insurance covers you for weird things happening!” says insurance company

What’s the strangest thing to ever have caused damage to your home? It’s unlikely your story can compete with those featured in the Daily StarDaily Mailand Telegraph recently:

‘A snail ate my carpet’ See some of the strangest successful insurance claims of all time

IF a badger has bashed your shed or a snail has eaten your carpet, why not try and make an insurance claim – you won’t be the first to.

Or if a deer falls in your swimming pool, you can earn money from that too.

Source: Daily Star, 23 April 2014

‘A badger ate my wall’ among successful insurance claims.

A badger that ate through a wall to escape after being locked in a shed and a dog which jumped into a television screen to find a mate are among a list of successful insurance claims filed by homeowners.

One man received more than £400 when he made a claim for a new laptop after his new baby grandson vomited over his computer as he attempted to show him off on Skype.

And in another incident insurers paid for repairs after a quick thinking squirrel smashed a window to get out of a garage owned by an 86-year-old woman in Exeter, where it had become trapped.

Animals and children were the most common causes in the list of strange claims.

However, nature, and bad luck, also played a part.

Source: Telegraph, 23 April 2014

The message is clear: you never know where the next source of danger is coming from. But don’t just take my word for it – there’s an industry spokesman backing me up:

Peter Corfield, Managing Director at RIAS said: ‘While we go out of our way to ensure that our homes and gardens are safe and secure, sometimes it’s the most unlikely events that can end up causing real damage.

Who are RIAS, you might be wondering?

The list of bizarre insurance claims was compiled by specialist insurance provider RIAS from the almost 400,000 successful cases in 2012-13.

RIAS are the people telling you to ensure your house (with them) lest a rampaging army of badgers, deer and snails descend upon you and your territory. It’s real, they’re coming, and RIAS are apparently your only hope.

“Men turn into their fathers!” says TV channel promoting old comedies

Are you turning into your dad? The top ten signs you’ve embraced dad-ism revealed as survey says 38 is age men turn into their father.

It’s a startling moment in any man’s life.

You’re sat on the sofa keenly scrutinising the money pages of the newspaper, looking forward to giving the lawn a good mowing and finding yourself unusually excited about an upcoming sale at B&Q, when it hits you (if you can keep your eyes open long enough): you’ve turned into your dad.

It’s enough to make you slip on your sensibly priced comfortable shoes and retreat to your man cave with a pint of bitter.

Source: Independent, 17 April 2014

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It seems all men are destined to become their fathers – it’s a message carried not only in the Independent, but also in the Daily MailDaily Express and Daily Star. With so many convergent sources, it must be true… or, just maybe, it might be PR for a TV channel running a ‘Dad Dancing’ competition:

Steve North, General Manager of UKTV channel Gold said: ‘The future looks bright for men, more sleep, having your very own chair, letting loose on the dance floor and finding ourselves funny – it seems 38 is the age men officially lose their inhibitions

Source: Daily Mail, 17 April 2014

And why the focus on getting old and turning into your father? The Daily Mail carries the crucial quote from North:

‘The best way to ward off the top dad-ism sign of falling asleep in the front room is by tuning into Gold’s Easter schedule featuring Only Fools and Horses, the Royle Family and the Vicar of Dibley.’

Embrace it, fellas – turn into your dad, and you can enjoy the same tired old sitcoms he was watching 20 years ago!

“Old people used to have silly names!” says ancestry research site

What’s that Mary, traditional names are dying out?

Cecil, Rowland and Willie have fallen so far out of favour that no one wants to use them for their child.

They are the names nobody wants.

Although Cecil, Rowland and Willie were once among the most popular names in Britain, they have fallen so far out of favour they have now became “extinct”.

Latest birth records show that not a single person was given any of the three names while girls’ names Bertha, Blodwen or Fanny are also extinct.

Source: Telegraph, 4 April 2014

Or, to put it in slightly more immature terms, here’s the Daily Star’s take on the tale:

Fanny and Willy (stop sniggering!) on the ‘extinct’ baby names list

FANNY and Willy are now deemed “extinct” as no one chose these baby names in recent years.

Old-fashioned boys’ names such as Cecil and Rowland, and girls’ names such as Blodwen and Gertrude have also fallen out of favour.

Research carried out by Ancestry.co.uk showed that no babies born in 2012 were registered with these names.

Source: Daily Star, 4 April 2014

OK, now, settle down at the back, there’s nothing remotely amusing about the impending extinction of your garden-variety Willy or Fanny – just ask the website who paid to have this research created:

Miriam Silverman, from Ancestry.co.uk, said: “Of course, no first name can truly become extinct, as it can easily be resurrected, but it’s fascinating to look at the list from 1905 and see which have thrived and which have faded into obscurity.

“We also know that people appreciate a rare or unusual name in their family tree and as more people join the family history revolution we believe that such endangered names will be protected by concerned descendants.”

Oh, good – it turns out the names aren’t actually going extinct, it’s just PR for an ancestry-researching site looking to get more people to join their ‘family history revolution’. Phew. Worried Willies: stand down.

“Men today are too soft!” says TV show trying to dictate what being a man means

Ready meals, moisturiser and no fishing: Survival ace Bear Grylls tests ‘soft’ Brit fellas

BRIT men are losing their manhood skills and becoming too ‘soft’, a survey reveals.

Even though the days of hunting and gathering are over, it seems that most men lack even the basic of survival skills.

A whopping 62% of fellas said they would not be able to start a fire without the help of a lighter.

Source: Daily Star, 5 May 2014

A news story straight out of the ‘how to be casually and unhelpfully sexist’ PR textbook here, with the British male’s ‘manliness’ in question. And, by question, I mean of course held up against a ludicrous and worthless criteria in order to find men lacking.

What ought men today be able to do, to allow them to keep their ‘man card’ and prevent them having to ‘grow a pair’ and ‘man up’? Besides being able to light a fire without the aid of a lighter, there’s a raft of other necessities:

And commiserations if you’re stuck on a desert island with a man who can’t (or won’t) help chop, hunt and fish.

The assumption here, of course, being that no woman has any of those skills – that goes without saying. No, women correctly do not know how to hunt or fish, but men incorrectly lack these required man skills.

Whereas tools such as fishing rods and knives would be the first things to be chucked into a knapsack, 29% of men would rather rely on ready meals.

The word ‘rather’ being likely crucial in that sentence – personally, given the choice (as it appears men were, in an online poll) between hunting, gutting, skinning and cooking an animal, or eating a ready meal… I’m pretty sure I’d side with the ready meal.

Lazy lifestyles and office jobs requiring sitting at a desk for up to nine hours a day are being blamed on men’s dwindling ability to deal with practical tasks.

That’s right – men are just too lazy and office-bound to be out killing small animals and casually lighting fires. If they weren’t so bloody lazy, today’s men would all be meeting the fire-and-death quota specified on the back of their ‘man cards’.

Of course, this spurious and sexist poll is nothing more than an advert for an aggressively manly TV show:

Survival guru Bear Grylls, host of new TV show The Island, said: “What happens when you strip man of all the luxury and conveniences of modern living and then force them to fight for their very existence?”

I’d imagine what happens is a TV show watched by essentially nobody, Bear.

“People know too little about the Bible!” says TV show about the Bible

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it the birth of our lord, saviour and definitely-exactly-as-the-bible-describes son-of-god, Jesus Christ.

It seems that, despite having infant schools the length and breadth of the country act out the birth of arguably the world’s most famous carpenter, people just aren’t familiar enough with the minor details of the bronze age mythology of a specific bunch of nice chaps in the Middle East.

Or, at least, so says this particular story in the Daily Star, the veracity of which is in no way undermined by the dual facts that people reportedly believed Jesus wore sunglasses on the cross (which is absolutely definitely not a joke response from anyone involved in the survey), and that this survey was placed into the news via Bad PR regulars One Poll, on behalf of a TV series about the Bible:

The survey, to mark the release of epic series The Bible on DVD and Blu-Ray, also showed many Brits had no idea who Adam and Eve were, or who built the Ark.

It’s hard to know which source has the least chance of accurately reflecting reality: the Bible, or One Poll. In that respect, at least, this story makes perfect sense.