Monthly Archives: December 2013

“Men are useless and lazy!” says battery-flogging website, bafflingly

“Men are useless and lazy!” says battery-flogging website, bafflingly

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it comes a chance to see family and revel in the company of rarely-seen loved ones.

Unless, of course, your family includes both men and women – in that case, it’s mandatory that Christmas represents yet another campaign in the ever-waging battle of the sexes, according to news reports such as this one.

As for the company profiting from propagating this gender war at a time when even hostilities on the Western Front took a day off?

A spokesman for www.batterystation.co.uk, which commissioned the research, said: ‘There are so many things which need to be taken care of even weeks before Christmas day, it’s a shame that mums are bearing the brunt.

You might be struggling to see why a website selling batteries feels the need to drive a wedge between men and women – I know I certainly was. But the spokesman carries on,

‘And even the jobs which were traditionally left to dad, like buying the batteries and washing up, are now being looked after by mum, on top of everything else she already does.

‘If this is the case in your household, then it’s important to find ways of doing the jobs in the quickest and easiest way.’

I would, by this stage in my blogging history, consider myself something of a veteran of the PR bullshit world… but even I have to admit, I’m flabbergasted that batterystation.co.uk felt this was a viable angle to promote their services. It’s genuinely astonishing.

“Men are useless at buying lingerie!” says lingerie firm

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it comes the culmination of weeks and months of present-purchasing. However, where men are concerned, not everything is all rosy – there’s a good chance their significant other will be significantly let-down come Christmas morning, given the total inability of men to buy lingerie.

A spokesperson for Bluebella, who commissioned the survey, said: ‘Women today know what they want and are feeling more empowered than ever before to enjoy buying beautiful underwear which makes them feel gorgeous and confident not just in the bedroom but in the boardroom too.

‘The fact they buy three times as much as men is great for both parties – she feels fabulously sexy and confident in lingerie that suits her perfectly and he gets to enjoy the new view.

‘Men tend to impulse buy when it comes to underwear and go for the first sexy slip they see. They’re probably unsure if their partner will like their choice so they prefer to spend less. If he gets it wrong, it can put him off buying lingerie for a while but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Still, Bluebella – the lingerie firm – believe men oughtn’t be put off by the fear of failure:

‘If he gets it right, it is the gift that keeps on giving.’

To summarise the results of Bluebella’s survey: women are great at buying lingerie, and ought to continue doing so, lots; men are useless at buying lingerie, but should continue to do so. It’s nice to see the marketing tactics of Bluebella are as see-through as their knickers.

“Christmas food will make you fat!” says diet firm

“Christmas food will make you fat!” says diet firm

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it the health holocaust that a week of eating, drinking and couch-potatoing will guarantee to wreak on every one of us. It’ll be a miracle if any man, woman or child survives un-porkified. If only there were some kind of company out there we could turn to in order to shed that festive fat…

The results were revealed in a survey of 1,000 people for the diet company Forza Supplements which looked at excessive consumption over the Christmas and New Year holiday.

Oh, thank god for that, then!

Forza Supplements Managing Director Lee Smith said: “We all want to let our hair down at Christmas and enjoy ourselves. “But it can take months to repair the damage if you really let yourself go.

‘Easter Sunday is on April 20 next year and a lot of people will still be feeling the effects of Christmas even then.

‘The key to limiting your weight gain is to do simple things like eat slowly and avoid over-filling and make sure you take some exercise.’

And, presumably, putting our faith in dodgy diet pills. Happy Christmas, from everyone at Forza Supplements!

“Men should seek suggestions when buying presents!” says present suggestions website

Christmas is just around the corner, but no amount of festive cheer will bring a smile to the faces of the nation’s ladies – not while their men are all so utterly and verifiably useless!

“What are men useless at this time?” I hear you ask, in that exasperated tone you use when you’re buying into yet another lazy-stereotype-laden article produced by a cheap PR company looking to grab a few headlines. Well, this time around it’s the act of buying a gift that those useless men and their silly brains are just unable to grasp – we know this is true, because the survey says so:

And a further 40 per cent admit they buy their other half their gift while they’re out shopping together, according to research from buyagift.com, who polled 2000 adults on their Christmas shopping habits.

After all, if anyone ought to be experts in buying a gift, it has to be those reliable and trustworthy people at buyagift.com – though they may be happy to propogate irritating genderist stereotypes, they’re real experts when it comes to purchasing a thing. Even their ludicrously-named CEO says so:

Dan Mountain, CEO of buyagift.com, said: ‘There is a lot to organise at Christmas and it can be a busy and stressful time of year, but that’s no excuse to be a scrooge this December.

‘Though it looks like the nation’s men are letting the side down, many of us have no faith in our other half’s gifting abilities.

So, thank you, buyagift! Next time I’m I need someone to belittle and patronise my gender while offering gift suggestions, you’ll be the first place I call!

“High-street Christmas shopping will make you thin!” says high street shopping guide

“High-street Christmas shopping will make you thin!” says high street shopping guide

“Pre-prepared food is great at Christmas!” says supermarket selling pre-prepared food

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it comes the culmination of weeks of planning that all-important Christmas meal. All the family are coming over, the turkey is stuffed, the sprouts peeled and the figgy pudding… well, whatever you do to figgy pudding has been well and truly done to it. But the chef is still stressed – after all, this is the big day!

That’s why we’re lucky to live in a modern era, where every chef can get a little helping hand from the pre-prepared food market – being able to buy those figgy puddings pre-whatevered is nothing short of a modern day Christmas miracle! And your Bad PR blogger isn’t alone in thinking so:

Neil Nugent, from Morrisons who conducted the survey, said, ‘Christmas is a time of the year when the whole family comes together so it’s no wonder that we want to avoid any last minute hiccups, leading to Christmas cooks putting a little extra pressure on themselves to get everything ‘just so’.

Neil Nugent from pre-prepared food retailer Morrisons, there – spreading the Christmas cheer.

“People buy gifts online!” says online make-up firm ahead of Christmas

“People buy gifts online!” says online make-up firm ahead of Christmas

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it the culmination of weeks and months of dedicated, efficient and/or frenzied consumerism.

Of course, the savvy shopper knows that the biggest bang for your buck can be achieved by a little web know-how, hence the introduction of the made-up term ‘showrooming’ – invented to describe the art of buying online what you’ve seen in the stores, but primarily invented by PR people to secure attention for their particular client:

A spokesperson for Escentual.com who commissioned the survey, said: ‘It’s hardly surprising that showrooming for Christmas has become so popular when shoppers are finding that it saves them nearly 20 per cent on their bill.

If you were under any illusions as to why Escentual want to stress the importance of shopping online, their spokesperson happily clarifies for you:

‘The women in our survey said they would save £78 on an average Christmas shop of £331, and they said beauty products and fragrances was one of the areas where they would find a better deal online.’

You see, it isn’t just the savvy shopper who can harness the power of the internet.

“People know too little about the Bible!” says TV show about the Bible

Christmas is just around the corner, and with it the birth of our lord, saviour and definitely-exactly-as-the-bible-describes son-of-god, Jesus Christ.

It seems that, despite having infant schools the length and breadth of the country act out the birth of arguably the world’s most famous carpenter, people just aren’t familiar enough with the minor details of the bronze age mythology of a specific bunch of nice chaps in the Middle East.

Or, at least, so says this particular story in the Daily Star, the veracity of which is in no way undermined by the dual facts that people reportedly believed Jesus wore sunglasses on the cross (which is absolutely definitely not a joke response from anyone involved in the survey), and that this survey was placed into the news via Bad PR regulars One Poll, on behalf of a TV series about the Bible:

The survey, to mark the release of epic series The Bible on DVD and Blu-Ray, also showed many Brits had no idea who Adam and Eve were, or who built the Ark.

It’s hard to know which source has the least chance of accurately reflecting reality: the Bible, or One Poll. In that respect, at least, this story makes perfect sense.

“Some people at the office Christmas party are annoying!” says office Christmas party venue

Christmas is right around the corner, and the office Christmas party season is still in full swing, which is why ‘experts’ have been talking to the Daily Star and Daily Mail about the annoying people you work with, and how they’re the same as the annoying people everyone else works with.

Who are these experts, you might ask? Be they psychologists? Sociologists? Christmasologists? No…

‘We’ve been hosting Christmas staff parties for nearly 40 years at Browns and despite the changing fads and fashions, we’ve seen just about everything in that time,’ says a spokesman for bar and brasserie chain Browns, who commissioned the report.

‘The faces may change as quickly as the music at these staff parties but one thing is constant – the 10 staff party characters who are present.

The experts are pub chain Browns, whose expertise comes in the form of having had office Christmas parties take place in their establishments for a purported four decades – and they’re trying to make sure they remain a viable venue well into their fifth decade, with stories like this.

“Don’t take time off work to go shopping, do it online!” says voucher website

“Don’t take time off work to go shopping, do it online!” says voucher website

Christmas is just around the corner, and it’s a worrying time for businesses, who might see significant absenteeism as people rush to do last minute Christmas shopping. It’s a sad story, especially in a world where online shopping is so simple and easy:

Anita Naik, a spokesperson for VoucherCodes.co.uk who commissioned the research, said: ‘It can sometimes seem impossible to fit in Christmas shopping on top of everything else that’s going on at this time of the year.

‘The good news is, even if you haven’t started your shopping yet, you still have plenty of time to buy from both in-store and online.

‘With the majority of big online retailers delivering orders placed as late as 23rd or 24th December, there really shouldn’t be any need to risk pulling a sickie day at work.’

If you do switch over to online shopping, remember to use your voucher codes to make those extra savings, of course.