“You should start buying food for Christmas!” says supermarket chain

Christmas is coming, and with it the mandatory need to prepare for that all-important Christmas meal. It may only take nine minutes to eat, but it takes nine months to prepare!

Of course, the average shopper doesn’t need to plan nine months in advance – nine weeks is more than enough preparation time, according to the supermarket behind this pseudoresearch:

Research from Asda reveals that the average shopper will do their Christmas food shop across nine weeks, with their first purchase, usually cranberry sauce, mince pies or Christmas pudding, taking place in October.

Nine months, nine weeks or nine minutes – it doesn’t really matter. All that really matters to Asda is that you spend that time with Asda produce.